The Notebook Challenge

#117 Complete a family tree

First things first, I am convinced it is impossible to "complete" a family tree. So far I have traced my mothers side all the way back to 904 A.D. and it still wants to keep going.  I didn't think I would enjoy doing it but it really is interesting and sucks you in. I always jokingly refer to myself as "white trash" but turns out  I come from royalty. Very, very, very distant royalty :).  Some of those I have stumbled across have been Alexander the I of Scotland, The "Black Count" of Anjou (he was all sorts of sane), Templar Knights and numerous titles such as Knight, Lady, Duke, and Earl.

I'm not finding anything at all on my fathers side. I don't really know a whole lot about him to begin with. I met him once when I was 8, he brought his other daughters with him and they stole my one of my Barbie dolls. I told my mom I didn't want to be around them ever again. She listened. I received birthday cards for a few years after that but don't really even remember opening them.  I had my mom and step father,that's all I needed.

I would like to be able to trace my roots on his side, but not enough to contact him for information.

Ancestry. com has been awesome, I strongly encourage you to subscribe if you are interested in this sort of thing. You can view mine right here.

-Jess

So technically I quit this job almost a year ago, but it was so horrible I merit it list worthy.

Everyone has had one. We have all experienced it. Putting up with one is really a test in how much you can take. I'm talking about the co-worker from hell.

I worked in a pretty high stress setting, helping substance abusing adolescents, but I adored my job. The clients were fantastic and most of my co-workers were really awesome. That is until she blew into the building. We will call her "Snatchface".

Snatchface was under the impression that just because some messed up shit happened in her life, that gave her free reign to treat people like dirt. This woman was so over bearing and just plain nasty mean it took everything I had not to hit her in the face with a stapler.

Swingline of course, they make the biggest impact. 

The environment of our work was always kinda chaotic but we managed. The purpose of our job was to help these kids, not treat them like the enemy or like they were at bootcamp. Well Snatchface thought otherwise. She got off on giving these kids a hard time and it made me sick every time it happened. For a year I just kept telling myself I was not going to let her drive me out of a job that I love. Well in the end I had to decide, walk away or face prison for serious assault.

I don't do well in a cage so I walked away.  There I things I miss about the job everyday, but my sanity was more important. My hatred of this woman was consuming me and it wasn't healthy. I say hatred because that is the only way to describe it. She is easily the most vile person I have ever come in contact with and I wish nothing but horrible things for her. I know that sounds terrible but I'm being honest. If you have ever had a Snatchface in your life you know what I'm talking about.

I'll stop having my rage stroke now.

-Jess

This just in from our sister network, it appears that some kind of supernatural phenomenon is taking place as we speak. Green vegetation is forming inside one woman's home and consuming her front porch. It appears to be small it stature, but there plenty of it. Basically..................

I GOT SPROUTS!!!!!

We will keep you posted as this story develops.We now return to your regularly scheduled programming.

Jess

I committed murder last night. Well, technically I would be an accessory to murder I guess. The end result to this crime was pure deliciousness.

I searched far and wide in the Food Network universe for the perfect recipe. It took literally 4 minutes. It was really more of suggestion anyway, I do what I want in the kitchen!

I got my friend, Mr. Cluckers, mainly because he was free range and anti-biotic free. It was even labeled smart chicken, but lets be honest, if it was so smart how did it end up on my table?

I pre-heated my oven to 425 degrees and blotted Cluckers with paper towels to get rid of moisture on the skin. Makes for a soggy bird.

Next, I sliced an apple into chunks and shoved it in the birds "cavity". Calling it a "cavity" makes it seem so much dirtier than it should. Anyway, the apple doesn't really add flavor but it does help it stay moist.

Next, I chopped an onion, carrots and celery. These were placed in the bottom of the pan with a little chicken stock to help with moisture and flavor.

I then began seductively massaging a mixture of salt, sugar, black pepper,fresh garlic, parsley, thyme and tarragon all over Cluckers ample breast and firm thighs.

He was placed breast side down and baked at 425. After 15 minutes I dropped the temp to 350 degrees. I basted him every half hour and he loved it!!!!!

2 hours later was the end results. Crispy, golden skin and juicy, luscious meat.

This sounds like a letter to penthouse.

He was delicious and dare I say, perfect.

 Jess

Ahhh mother nature, how I love you. I rolled out of my burrow at 8am for you. I provided a flesh-lunch for your fly children. I even had a near run in with a worm (gag!),  just to give back to you. And what do I get as a thank you??? a sunburn and a throbbing back. Mother nature, you're kind of a bitch but I still love ya.

With the GORGEOUS weather we have been having I decided it was high time to get cracking on the herb garden. Keep in mind, I have never grown anything in my life. Unless you count a seething hatred for animal abusers, that has been growing for 28 years.

Anyhow, I made a midnight trek to Satan-Mart and stocked up on all my necessities:

1.) Big bag of dirt

 3.) Experienced assistant

4.) High tech soil transporter and pots

5.) Most kick ass watering can in human history

I took my blue and yellow pots and filled each one 3" from the top with my soil. It's miracle grow so I think it's been blessed by the garden gods or something. Next, I took my little, bitty pinkie and started poking little holes for my seed babies. Then I slapped their asses into their holes and covered them with 1/4" of soil.

After they were tucked all snug into their dirty beds, I watered them with my poodle.

 Don't they look happy???

Now, whether these will successfully grow or not I have no idea. I'm just glad I made the effort and I feel good about doing something with nature. I have to admit, I think I got bit by the gardening bug. 2 hours after I took these photos I planted 20 strawberry plants. Tomorrow I will be tilling up a 20' x 20' area to start work on my veggie garden. So bring on the bug bites and sunburn, I'm ready for ya.

Mother Nature you sucked me in.........bitch.



I have always loved butterflies. They are so delicate and fragile, yet they do some of the hardest migrations on earth. Where I live you pretty much just see the Monarch, so I jumped at the chance to be locked in a building with every butterfly you could imagine. They could not escape me!!!!!

I believe in spanish he is known as El Diablo

This fluttering jerk started diving at my face like it was his job. I have never really been afraid of bugs, but I will admit that this day, I ran from a butterfly. It was like he knew I was there to photograph and exploit his kind and he wanted REVENGE!!

Finally, after many evasive maneuvers, I was free from his evil shenanigans.

 Doesn't this look like Nemo?

I named him Cyclops

Even tho I was stalked and almost killed, it was amazing being surrounded by these creatures

-Jess

Gnomes. Small, colorful, cute/ borderline creepy. I enjoy the occasional gnome as much as the next person, but when I heard rumblings that the worlds largest gnome was on my turf my mission was clear. Find that big bastard and photograph it!!!!

Ok, so it really wasn't as much of an epic adventure as I made it out to be, but it was chilly that day and I'm very delicate!!!!

The first item I picked to scratch off the list is a small one. Compared to many others this one looks like a breeze. A tiny, little speck of a challenge. It's just baking, I would have no problems, right? 

The Internet, which never lies, said all I had to do was just mix up a white cake mix, divide it into 6 bowls, color each one and then layer the colored batters in my liners and bake. So I did. And this happened......

Apparently the baking gods decided to show me a little bit of mercy because this batch was glorious!

The layering wasn't perfect but damn it, I did it!  Score one for this chick.

 Tie dye butterflies were the finishing touch.

-Jess

1.Learn to speak Italian

25. Adopt a shelter pet

26. Get married

42. Try 5 exotic fruits
( Jackfruit, Passion fruit, Lychee, Mangosteen, Dragonfruit)

64. Watch every Best Picture nominee....ever
(64/485 films)

131. Sculpt something

132. Ride a tandem bike

133. Visit a butterfly house

 

135. Master British Pub Grub

136. Watch all 6 Star Wars movies in a row

137. Ride a double decker bus

138. See a play in The West End

139. Help delive a baby animal

140. Start a random dance in a public place

141. Kick a field goal

142. Pay for a strangers meal

143. Volunteer at a soup kitchen

144. Sew an article of clothing and wear it

145. Golf 18 holes

146. Hug a stranger

147. See the worlds largest ________


 This is all I got for now, suggestions are more than welcome. Let the madness begin.